


Body Swap

by Deadhorse



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Body Swap, M/M, Masturbation, Tentacle, au where John isn't straight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-24 20:52:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4934875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deadhorse/pseuds/Deadhorse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John's screwing around with random buttons leads to devastating embarrassment for him and Karkat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Body Swap

**Author's Note:**

> Based off a fan comic I saw once, sorry I don't remember who made it :p

"NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE."

Oh no. You set him off like a blue illegal firework, ready to shit hot light and misery to those within 50 yards. It was silly, though, watching him yell and fuss in your body.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen and beings, you, John Egbert, managed to hit a random sequence of numbers to which resulted in you switching bodies with Karkat. Impressive, right? Now you understood why he wore this lame sweater; it was actually rather comfy.

"Are you EVEN listening to me?!" he shouted, his voice cracking a little.

"I don't see what the big deal is, actually it's kinda cool."

Karkat looked like he was about to start screaming again, but froze as he watched you reach for his horns, or, your horns. You felt a weird bit of tingling as you rubbed the small nubs. "O-oh, so these are like, head nipples?" You stopped rubbing when you came to that realization.

"Yeah, no shit Egbert! Now could you stop violating my body in front of me, and switch us back?"

"Well, I don't really know how..."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

"I was just dicking around and pressing buttons, in fact, you're partly to blame for not stopping me."

"Do NOT shove the blame stick to me Shitbert! That's right, instead of using sickeningly sweet nicknames as a part of retarded human romance, you'll be my Shitbert!"

You and Karkat had been dating for a while now, both unsure of whether your feelings were black or red. You'd thought you'd figure it out along the way, but honestly he seemed to be leaning towards the weird hate-love side. You didn't know if you were capable for it; it's always been hard for you to hate people.

"HELLO??? IS ANYONE THERE IN SHITTY SHITBERT WORLD???"

God, you've got to stop inner-monologueing so much!

"If you're not even going to bother finding a solution, much less even listen to me, I might as well do whatever the hell I want!" Karkat eyed you down as he slowly raised his hands, and shoved them down your pants, er, his pants now.

"W-what are you doing?!"

"It shouldn't matter now, should it?! Because we're all in Fruity Rainbow Rumpus Town a la Shitbert remix!"

"Get your hands out of my pants!"

"Not until you switch us back."

"Dude those are my private bits! Do I need to spell that out for you?"

"These hands aren't budging until you do something about it."

"Well, t-then I'll just do this!" You proceeded to put your hands down Karkat's pants before you had time to regret it. Karkat flinched at the sight, but stood his ground.

You both stood face to face, hands in your own pants, barely moving. That is, until you noticed Karkat's hands shuffling around.

"What are you do-"

"Why is there hair there?!"

Well this question caught you off guard. "Wait, so does that mean..?" You had to confirm it, there was no way you could live without knowing. That might have been an exaggeration, but you confirmed your suspicions: Karkat was completely bald down there!

You failed to stop yourself from giggling at this new information.

"H-hey! Stop laughing, you're the weird one here!" Karkat's face, or rather your face (or his?), was flushed and pink. "All the reading I did about human anatomy never mentioned this!"

"You did that?" Karkat's blush grew a deeper color and he looked away. "Karkat, that's really sweet of you."

"Whatever, it's not like I completely did it for your sake."

He was still looking away when you decided a bit more exploring wouldn't hurt. So far from what you could tell, he felt like what you'd expect a girl would. Except for when you reached your fingers in lower, you felt an opening. When your claws grazed over it you let out a surprised gasp.

"Hey! What are you touching! You're going to make my bulge come out!"

"Oh, so like your bulge is inside you?"

"What else were you thinking? That I just had my bulge out, squirming around and flopping all over the place like you?! Gross."

That hurt you a little, but if Karkat wanted to play this stupid hate/love game so be it! You began rubbing the opening, careful not to hurt yourself with your new claws, letting a soft moan escape. The feeling was a strange sort of pleasure as you felt the tip of something start to slide out. You looked at Karkat; he was staring you down, speechless. His, yours now, bulge slid out of its sheath, but you were unsure if you should continue. This was the farthest you've gotten with anything sexual with someone. You looked at Karkat, asking him with your eyes.

He was biting his lip, looking at you with the same uncertainty. Not only would your first time be with an alien, you weren't even in the right body! Your bulge was squirming in your hands impatiently, wishing for any friction.

"Fuck it," Karkat said with a sigh, and pulled his pants down and kicked them off. You- he, you mean, was already half hard. "If you don't have a random ass blanket or rug in your sylladex, we'll just do it on the floor."

"Okay, that's fine."

"You'll have cleaning duties, though."

You pouted at him, despite not really caring. You were too excited to care when he started stripping you, kissing your neck as he slowly lifted your sweater. You've never seen Karkat shirtless before, looking down you noticed he was a little chubby. You poked the belly fat and chuckled.

"S-stop that, just focus on me." You guess he was trying to sound dominant, but he just sounded cute more than anything.

"But your chubbiness is so cute, Karkat!"

He rolled his eyes and just motioned for you to take off your pants. Soon the two of you were left staring at each others naked bodies. It was an odd feeling to see your body from this point of view.

Karkat hesitantly placed his hands on your sides, lightly tracing his fingers over the grub scars. You leaned closer to him, looking into your own eyes. He gasped suddenly, and you looked down to see your bulge wrapped itself around his.

"Sorry!" You seemed to not be able to move it by yourself, it just twitched and moved and wrap around dicks on its own. It was getting progressively harder to hold back a moan as red-tinted precum leaked out.

He reached down and separated your bulges. Karkat gently pulled you down with him to the floor. Briefly, you wondered who would bottom. Afterall, it would awkward for both of you either way. You kind of figured it would be you, since you were the one on the ground with Karkat over you. He was straddling you, his hand gripping yours and his bulge together. Small moans and curses came from both of you as he rubbed your bulges against each other. You leaned forward, your lips meeting his. His tongue licked your lips, although you didn't really want any tongue action. Your newfound sharp teeth made you too nervous to try anything like that.

Catching the hint, Karkat got off your lap and kneeled in front of you. Hesitantly, he reached for your bulge and kissed it lightly. You groaned when he took the tip in his mouth. A thought came to you: did Karkat enjoy having his own bulge in his mouth? You wanted to ask but you didn't think he was into dirty talk. Even if you considered it just a simple query. He managed to get more of you in, deepthroating you at this point. You flinched when he touched below your bulge, pushing a finger into what you guessed your nook was.

It was weird to feel him inside you. You've tried fingering yourself before, but it felt nothing like this. You couldn't help but moan from the stimulation, louder than before. You looked down to see the intoxicating (if not unsettling) sight of Karkat bobbing his head on your bulge. He added a second finger, scissoring you immediately.

"F-fuck, Karkat!" He didn't stop despite your protests, instead adding a third finger soon after. It didn't take as long as it normally would to stretch you, thanks to Karkat's weird nook.

Just when you felt close, he let your bulge go and took his fingers out. You whimpered, but he just kissed you and positioned himself at your nook.

"Are you sure you want to..?" he asked shyly. He grinned, and you realized he was just stalling.

"Goddammit Egbert," you said, mocking Karkat's voice the best you could. Karkat mockingly rolled his eyes, and slipped his bulge in your nook. Both of you moaned in unison, neither of you wanting to wait any longer.

Without waiting, Karkat started with shallow thrusts. "Still so tight," he groaned.

"Faster, Kar..." you moaned. Almost immediately, Karkat complied. You wrapped your legs around his waist, urging him deeper. You were so close already; unsure if you wanted it to end now or go on forever. Yours and Karkat's moans became louder and more in number.

"Touch me," you moaned. Karkat reached for your bulge and stroked you in time with his thrusts. Karkat came first, moaning your name along with a string of curses as he finished. Riding out his orgasm, he continued to thrust into you. Oddly, him moaning your name even though it was technically your voice, brought you so much closer. With one hand Karkat scrapped his fingers on your grub scars, the other still pumping your bulge. All the stimulation was borderline unbearable, you were screaming his name at this point. Red come spilled on your chest, which mildly creeped you out, but oh well it was Karkat's body.

Karkat pulled out of you, and laid down next to you. He turned to face you, about to say something, but trailed his eyes further past you. His eyes filled with dread at what he saw. And so did yours when you saw Dave leaning against the door frame.

"Sup," he said with a perfect pokerface.

Karkat became hysterical. "When THE FUCK DID YOU GET THERE!"

"Oh, I've been here pretty much the whole time. From the body swap thing to the awkward groping. Shit was really cringey to watch, but your reactions were fun to see. That'll be all, Shitbert and Kitkat."

Dave turned to leave; Karkat getting up and scrambling to chase him. "YOU ARE NOT LEAVING THAT EASILY STRIDER."

"Wait, Karkat!" He ignored you, sacrificing your dignity for revenge. "Oh my god," you mumbled, regretting the body swap. Although, not completely... before the two of you swap back, you wanted to try to go a few more rounds. And definitely pull pranks.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this seems rushed, I had to finish it in a day and wrote it all on a wii (bizarre, I know). Thanks for reading! o3o


End file.
